[Tarquin]

Pro-ness comes in many forms, but none so elegant. Quantitatively, the Brookings Institute is currently working on calculating a pro-factor, to be used as metric against future hall of fame, pro-gamers. But it would not suffice to bring forth to you my pro-factor by means of just statistics; rather, a colleague of mine, who is an acclaimed poet, and charges $900 an hour for his words, has provided the following:

-----

A majestic eagle, soaring above
brought forth to you,
a rocket in your face.

Dominations are fleeting
many ragequits create difficulty,
in dominating your entire team at once.

Switching to spy,
the opposing now ragequits,
even before they get dominated.

A majestic eagle, soaring above,
perches on the high bark,
among the leet of present and past.
He stands alone,
his pro-factor is incalculable.

------

Now I know you are amazed but I don't think you understand the real point that is to be made here. And because I am modest and humble, I am going to skip right to this point: I am very important to this server. I provide an critical, structural role in the community: I get noobs to leave the server so that others can join.

Now I know what you're thinking. You're saying, "But Tarquin, you don't just make noobs ragequit, you make EVERYONE ragequit." I know, and that is a good point, but usually the pro-wannabes (Prodigy, Oh Noes, Bill Nye the Nublet Guy) will quit but then rejoin -- because they have no jobs or girlfriends.

The obvious conclusion: I should be sponsored with a reserved slot on this server. Considering the critical, functional role I play in keeping noobs out of the server, and by effect, also allowing newcomers to join a constantly-full server, it is obvious I should be sponsored with a reserved slot.

My majestic rocket jumps cannot wait for that noob medic on your team that lets you burn to death. Give me that reserved slot, I will replace him. And by this what I mean is: I was once on a team and no one refused to spy-check on top of B on Gravelpit. Well I went pyro and spy checked the roof the entire round. Have you ever seen a spy six-shot-revolver-jump up there? No, no you haven't, because they know I'm there waiting for them.

[Adder]

Who are you again?

[glouch]

All hail Tarquin, master of the SourceOP




but don't give him a slot

[Drunken F00l]

Your reserved slot is over here with everyone else's.

[unknown]

remind me to stab you.

[jwstohr]

Borrow $10 from your "colleague". I am sure there is SOME WAY you can pay him back later down the road.

[getthere1tme]

The Pyro by William "GetThere1Time" Blake





Pyro! Pyro! burning bright
In every tunnel that is tight,
My sentry gun's about to die
So please, would you just check for spies?

In what distant resupply
Lays the corpse of foes you fry?
Of suicide, do you not tire?
Do you bind forward to fire?

And when our defense falls apart,
Please burn the people on the cart?
And when thy enemy retreat,
What dread flares? & what dread heat?

What the axe? Oh, watch the train!
Where the hell'd you leave thy brain?
What the backburn? what airblast
Dare you let those ubers pass?

When you burn their tender rears,
And water keyboards with their tears,
Did Gabe smile his work to see?
Did he who made the Spy make thee?

Pyro! Pyro! burning bright
In every tunnel that is tight,
My sentry gun's about to die
So please, would you just check for spies?

[Hell-met]

Having a reserved slot doesn't change anything, because they're always full thanks to emc/chz fags

[Redneck]

Having a reserved slot doesn't change anything, because they're always full thanks to emc/chz fags

qft

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eZZgdzBm2R8

[Adder]

The Pyro by William "GetThere1Time" Blake

The most epic poem ever

That was amazing.