May 11, 2009, 01:53 PM
Pro-ness comes in many forms, but none so elegant. Quantitatively, the Brookings Institute is currently working on calculating a pro-factor, to be used as metric against future hall of fame, pro-gamers. But it would not suffice to bring forth to you my pro-factor by means of just statistics; rather, a colleague of mine, who is an acclaimed poet, and charges $900 an hour for his words, has provided the following:
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A majestic eagle, soaring above
brought forth to you,
a rocket in your face.
Dominations are fleeting
many ragequits create difficulty,
in dominating your entire team at once.
Switching to spy,
the opposing now ragequits,
even before they get dominated.
A majestic eagle, soaring above,
perches on the high bark,
among the leet of present and past.
He stands alone,
his pro-factor is incalculable.
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Now I know you are amazed but I don't think you understand the real point that is to be made here. And because I am modest and humble, I am going to skip right to this point: I am very important to this server. I provide an critical, structural role in the community: I get noobs to leave the server so that others can join.
Now I know what you're thinking. You're saying, "But Tarquin, you don't just make noobs ragequit, you make EVERYONE ragequit." I know, and that is a good point, but usually the pro-wannabes (Prodigy, Oh Noes, Bill Nye the Nublet Guy) will quit but then rejoin -- because they have no jobs or girlfriends.
The obvious conclusion: I should be sponsored with a reserved slot on this server. Considering the critical, functional role I play in keeping noobs out of the server, and by effect, also allowing newcomers to join a constantly-full server, it is obvious I should be sponsored with a reserved slot.
My majestic rocket jumps cannot wait for that noob medic on your team that lets you burn to death. Give me that reserved slot, I will replace him. And by this what I mean is: I was once on a team and no one refused to spy-check on top of B on Gravelpit. Well I went pyro and spy checked the roof the entire round. Have you ever seen a spy six-shot-revolver-jump up there? No, no you haven't, because they know I'm there waiting for them.
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A majestic eagle, soaring above
brought forth to you,
a rocket in your face.
Dominations are fleeting
many ragequits create difficulty,
in dominating your entire team at once.
Switching to spy,
the opposing now ragequits,
even before they get dominated.
A majestic eagle, soaring above,
perches on the high bark,
among the leet of present and past.
He stands alone,
his pro-factor is incalculable.
------
Now I know you are amazed but I don't think you understand the real point that is to be made here. And because I am modest and humble, I am going to skip right to this point: I am very important to this server. I provide an critical, structural role in the community: I get noobs to leave the server so that others can join.
Now I know what you're thinking. You're saying, "But Tarquin, you don't just make noobs ragequit, you make EVERYONE ragequit." I know, and that is a good point, but usually the pro-wannabes (Prodigy, Oh Noes, Bill Nye the Nublet Guy) will quit but then rejoin -- because they have no jobs or girlfriends.
The obvious conclusion: I should be sponsored with a reserved slot on this server. Considering the critical, functional role I play in keeping noobs out of the server, and by effect, also allowing newcomers to join a constantly-full server, it is obvious I should be sponsored with a reserved slot.
My majestic rocket jumps cannot wait for that noob medic on your team that lets you burn to death. Give me that reserved slot, I will replace him. And by this what I mean is: I was once on a team and no one refused to spy-check on top of B on Gravelpit. Well I went pyro and spy checked the roof the entire round. Have you ever seen a spy six-shot-revolver-jump up there? No, no you haven't, because they know I'm there waiting for them.